From my Deviant Art.

August 20, 2010 at 11:46 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
Tags: ,

This is a recent journal I posted on my Deviant Art account and I just felt like copying it onto here cause I actually spent time writing it, lol. For those of you who don’t know, Deviant Art is an art website where people can post their art and get feedback on it. Or just fool around with their friends and post random stuff like me 😛 I do post a lot of my legit art though, haha. Anyway, here’s my journal:

Hello. Want to get rid of that other journal lmao. Hmmm…nothing really interesting going on in my life. School starts in 5 days (ugh). Do not want. Has anyone checked out that dA Muro thing? It’s kind of cool, you can draw stuffs on here now (like on the actual website)! Pretty neat. Yeah..my schedule sucks too. Well, the classes are all the same one’s I signed up for but the only class I have a friend in is Japanese II -_- bleh. Hopefully the rest of my classes won’t be filled with extremely crummy people. Hopefully. Which means they most likely will. I kind of expected this though. It seems that only every other year+school year is good for me and the odd ones tend to suck beyond belief. It’s quite terrible. Like:

Second grade=Worst year of my life. Everyone made fun of me and I had NO friends. Did I mention that EVERYONE made fun of me? And literally made me question suicide at age 7? Yeah, worst school year ever.

Third grade=Okay, I guess. I had 3 good friends. Which all of course transferred over to the other elementary school at the end of the year. Wonderful.

Fourth grade=Eh…it wasn’t the WORST but it was pretty bad. No friends really until about midway through the year. But even those friends I wasn’t that close with. Just kinda…hung out. I don’t really know how to explain it, hahaha.

Fifth grade=Had some super close friends, I’ll never forget them! We hit a rough patch towards the end of the year though and things just turned awkward between me and them except for one of them, but I don’t see her anymore. Sad face. Oh, and of course since we were all supposed to go to the same middle school they all ended up moving. What is wrong with me that makes all my friends move away, like ALL of them, hahaha. Anyway, I went into middle school knowing no one ):

Sixth grade= Pretty awful. No friends. Depressed. Got a couple friends…sorta awkward though. Kinda weird to be honest (relationship with them, not them lol). It wasn’t all so awful though, I can at least remember some fun being had so I guess that counts haha.

Seventh grade= Probably the only school year I really really liked. I’d say it was my best school year. Nothing was really wrong at all with it until the end. But of course since this is my life something bad was just destined to happen lol. Eh, it was nice to at least have one nice school year in the beginning.

Eighth grade=Okay, I would lie and say this was also a good school year but in all honesty it wasn’t. I was extremely self-conscious, sad, lonely…didn’t feel like I had any real friends. I donno. (Not trying to blame anyone or anything. This is just how I really felt. I’m sure I did have lots of real friends though, I was just super sad all the time so probably didn’t realize it.) Because of my very annoying extreme sensitivity feeling (lol) people would say things that they probably didn’t think about twice but I’ve kept with me to this very day and probably will never forget. And also probably provoked some of the problems I’ve gotten myself into recently. I lost some of my passions…felt judged..hurtful things were said and done…yeah. I did meet some awesome people though and had some very fun, memorable times.

Ninth grade=Found out who my true friends really are and met some amazing people. People I have so much in common with it’s crazy. I actually feel like these people may be one of my few legit friends. Pretty awesome :D the first half of the school year was great..then I got myself into sort of a mess. The rest of the year just flew by and I feel like I wasted a year of my life, which I pretty much did. Still struggling.

Tenth grade=??? I’m honestly too scared to know. I have one side of me fearing the awful things that are just bound to happen and the other side desperately hoping this “chain” to break and for me to have an awesome school year, problems free. But I kind of know that can’t happen because I will most likely have these struggles for the rest of my life and I’m going into the year with my struggles still strong, which will undoubtedly make me unhappy, thus making me antisocial thus making this school year SUCK. Ugh. I wish I wasn’t so pessimistic sometimes. I already feel unwanted and unliked by people (which I know I shouldn’t) and the year is still yet to start.

Yeah…sorry about boring you with my ‘school history’ hahahaha. Anyway, I’ll just be fretting about what this school year is going to do to me now, have an awesome Friday!! :meow:

I love how my icons got copied as well. Heheh. Anyway, there’s not really a real reason for me posting it other than I felt like it was more of ‘blog posting quality’ than ‘Deviant Art journal quality’ seeing as most of my journals are like, 3 sentences and sorta kinda really lame. lol. I apologize for boring you guys with this most likely very unamusing post x)

Advertisements

2 Comments »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. Have a little confidence in yourself, my dear. Nobody is unwanted and unloved. You’ll find your group of peeps, just as you did 9th grade. Hope you gain some meaningful and lasting relationships this year!

  2. I am happy that you were able to have a long conversattion with a friend. That is one of the most healing things for me, and it really helps to get your mind off of things… as does facebook stalking haha!
    I hope tha tyou can allow your self-worth to escalate so that you can feel 100% secure in yourself. Your mother is right in that we cannot have real, meaningful relationships with others until we accept ourselves. Until then, be mindful of tuning in to your emotions and listening to your own needs. Seeking support from others can help, but depending on others is destructive.

    Keep fighting!
    Lexi


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: