July 19, 2010 at 1:27 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a perfectionist. Everything in my life has to happen this way and this way only. If I’m going to make a change to my daily routine, it has to be on a Monday. My life also has a set of specific rules that if by any chance I should not follow them, I would be deemed a failure. Sometimes I would just like to live life as life happens and not as I plan it to happen. That’s how life should be, right? I’m sick of having “rules”. I just wanna be carefree and happy, I don’t want to have to worry about anything ever…

Anyway, no breakfast picture today. It wasn’t very attractive, but I’ll tell you what it was. ½ c multigrain oats cooked in water, topped with blueberries, chopped nectarine, and sprinkled with cinnamon. It was yummy. My mommy took me to the grocery yesterday so I’m now fully stoked on nectarines (best fruit ever)! And along with being a cashew addict, I believe that I am also a cinnamon addict. I love it! If I’m eating something that could possibly be sprinkled with cinnamon and still taste edible (and yummy) then I’ll most definitely sprinkle cinnamon on it cinnamon!


In 3 weeks we’re going to Colorado to see a lot of our relatives. I’m scared of what they’re going to say about my weight loss…I kind of wish I could gain like 50 pounds just for our trip lol. That’s what I wished when we had to do height and weight at the end of the year in gym..ugh that was horrible! I just don’t want people to judge me..I’m also kind of embarrassed about it too..


My mom told me that I didn’t need to help her at her studio today (she only has 4 kids there this week) so I’m at home now…being bored and drinking green I haven’t really been feeling well yesterday and today so I guess it’s kinda good to just take it easy. I got a new sketchbook at ac moore yesterday! It’s so..blank. hehe. I have sooo many sketchbooks it’s fun looking through them though cause I can see all my drawings from when I was in like 6th grade! Pretty cool. I accidentally left it in the car though and my mom drove to work an hour ago haha I’ll just have to draw in it when she gets back in another 3 hours..bleh. I really wanted to get a head start on my french today but my teacher hasn’t updated the website yet with the new unit! Oh well, it’s an excuse to be lazy lol. My mom wants to make a giant veggie dinner tonight cause she said we have too many veggies that need to be used! I’ll have some fun experimenting with a new veggie “recipe” tonight I’s weird I used to hate vegetables of any kind except potatoes and corn pre-ed but now I love almost all of them! (except celery. I hate celery ><) which is good I guess, since vegetables are really healthy for you haha. My bro on the other hand…lets just say he lives off of dr.pepper and cheese x)


I’ve been trying to deal with some bad thoughts lately…my mom is trying really hard to lose weight and always eats salads and stuff all the time and I feel like such a pig whenever I eat around her! It makes me want to lose weight too and eat less…ugh. I remember a couple days ago we went to a restaurant and she ordered a salad and it had croûtons on it and she refused to eat them cause they were “too much bread”! I felt like such a pig for eating not just lettuce when she said that..

Sometimes I think that I’m so much better than I used to be by eating foods that I hadn’t even dreamed of eating before but stuff like this just goes to show me that I still struggle with wanting to lose more and more weight and I’m still not even close to being mentally better..I feel like such a depressing person all the time. My mom even told me recently that I always look depressed and I don’t mean to be! It’s just how I naturally look? Ugh I feel awful. I don’t want to look sad all the time…

voxtrot-warmest part of the winter ( this song)



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  1. It definitely is hard to eat normally when people around you are dieting…but you have to get used to that…and also know that you are NOT these people. You desperately need to gain weight, and while YOU are achieving health, so are these people who need to LOSE weight. But the ultimate goal is the same: health.

    I love blank scrapbooks, too! It makes me feel so happy for some reason to see a blank page, and knowing that I can fill it with whatever I want!

    • Thank you 🙂 reading this helped a lot

  2. I’m sorry, I definitely feel you with the whole family-dieting-I-hate-it-when-you-talk-about-it-with-me thing. Do you think it’s just a phase? I know it doesn’t always help, but if you haven’t talked to her about it yet (firmly) that should probably be a top priority. Stay strong!

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