Left Out

July 10, 2010 at 1:04 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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Yesterday:

I finished my drawing! And I found another one that I did earlier this week.

Both of these were drawn using black and white photos as references. I love drawing from photos! Especially black and white. Pencil shading and gray scale stuff is my favorite. I wanna work harder on my shading though, I think it could be better…

Tonight I’m 98% sure that were going to an outdoor movie…as we do every Friday night. I hope it’s a good movie this time. I think it’s either gonna be Robin Hood or Iron Man 2. I’m kinda hoping it’s Robin Hood cause I haven’t seen that one yet and it looks cool anyway 🙂 I also think my friend’s ignoring me ): we haven’t seen each other in like, a month and I kept trying to get together with her last week and no days worked out for both of us so I just sorta stopped calling her cause I felt like I was harassing her, and thought that she would call me later this week. Well, it’s Friday now and no call from her. Yet another weekend friendless )’: I hate my social life sometimes. I wish I was the me that I was the beginning of last school year. I was actually me. What happened to you, funny, crazy, loving Emily?

1 whole wheat bagel spread with  a Justin’s maple almond butter packet and topped with chopped strawberries and sprinkled with cinnamon.

I was majorly craving bagels this morning, so I had a bagel! And it was yummy. The flavor sorta reminded me of cinnamon raisin toast. I donno why, it just did. I remembered a time when I was maybe 5 and my brother and I downed an entire loaf of that stuff. lol. My aunt had come to visit us and made us toast and we kept asking her for more and she ended up making the entire loaf x)

Whole wheat pita spread with hummus and stuffed with leftover lentils from last nights dinner. On the side I had strawberries sprinkled with cinnamon.

I had to get a mini teacup to put the extra lentils in, cause my pita was already stuffed to the brim! I needed to use up all the leftover lentils anyway though cause my mom said they would go bad…it was pretty good though. I liked the strawberries the best 🙂 I tend to add cinnamon to a lot of my food, huh? I love it so much! (just not on veggies. lol.)

I want to hang out with my friends again. I want to have fun again. I feel like I’m being left in the dust and growing more distant from everyone with every second…

For dinner we went to Elmo’s Diner. I got a vegetarian taco salad, which consisted of greens, tomato chunks, and a crapload of black beans. It was pretty good. I was thinking of getting the grilled hummus sandwich again but that’s what I always get when I go there and I kind of already had a “hummus sandwich” for lunch anyway. I didn’t take a picture cause I don’t like taking pictures of my food at restaurants…it makes me feel self conscious haha.

I talked to my friend K via text and tried to talk him out of suicide. He’s adopted, and feels “unloved” and I kept trying to convince him that tons of people care about him and love him, including me. He then proceeded to tell me how he usually talks to someone else about his problems and was only texting me about them cause that other person wasn’t responding -_- now I feel unloved. Am I seriously just that person everyone only talks to as a last resort?


I wrote this post yesterday and never got the chance to actually publish it…lol. Well, here it is now!

Today:

I treated myself to baked oats inspired by Amanda this morning.

It’s pretty much just her recipe but instead of coconut milk I used almond milk (my family sadly lacks coconut milk in our kitchen currently…)

I topped it with a glob of almond butter and a sprinkling of my beloved cinnamon.

Another glob of almond butter found its way from the jar straight into my mouth…hehehe. I remember when something as trivial as that would have made me freak out and do an extra freaking hour of exercise later. I will try as hard as I can to never go back to those dark days. I couldn’t find an oven safe actual bowl to bake these oats in so I had to use a muffin tin x) they ended up looking the same as they would have if I had used a bowl though, cause I had to scoop them out of the tin which sorta made them loose their “muffin” shape. They were soooo good though. Like, one of the best breakfasts I’ve ever eaten. I think this may be my new prefered weekend breakfast, cause usually on the weekdays I have to make quick easy breakfasts due to always waking up late and going to the studio. The strawberry chunks and banana slices sorta “melted” into the oats. And the oats themselves were super creamy and delicious. They tasted really vanilla-y cause of the vanilla extract and the almond milk I used was vanilla flavored, lol. Nothing wrong with that though, vanilla is one of my favorite flavors >3< (next to strawberry. Nothing beats strawberry flavored foods.)

Pretty much my plans for today are to just sit around the house and watch Ghost whisperer for 5 hours cause my moms at work all day. Yipee. But tonight we’re gonna go to yet another outdoor movie (we couldn’t go last night cause it was raining a lot…). It’s supposed to be like an outdoor movie/concert thing so I’m slightly more excited for this lol. I keep contemplating calling up one of my friends to hang out with but I feel like they don’t even really want to see me anyways. I feel like such a loner. Agh. Well, on the brightside were going to the Whole Foods hot bar for dinner…probably gonna be the highlight of this coming extremely unproductive day haha. Well, happy Saturday everyone! Try to have a lot more fun than I’m gonna have!

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2 Comments »

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  1. Wow, Emily. I’m so sorry to hear about your social situation..sounds like people are taking you for granted. If your friend is really ignoring you, perhaps you can send her an email asking her if you’ve done anything wrong…people tend to be more open and honest in emails, when they don’t have to confront you face to face. Never think that you are unloved, though. Relationships come and go. You don’t need TONS of people loving you…actually that’s pretty much impossible, as it takes a lot of energy to love a single person. All you need is a few friends who truly love you and care for you. You are stil young, so plenty of time to make that happen! 🙂

  2. Sophia gives some great advice… people are always more honest in writing.

    Your drawings are pretty 🙂 I love grayscale stuff too! Black and white is just so much fun to work with, isn’t it?!

    ❤ Tat


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