Life’s been okay so far. School’s good, might get bumped up to honors Algebra II if there’s room in the class. Apparently I actually am mildly decent at math lol. I signed up for just regular Algebra II in the first place cause math has always been my weak point. Hmm..anyway I spent like 2 hours today doing practice PSAT math problems cause I was bored. And I hate doing school work stuff. This really shows how bored I was lol! Eh, I got them all right and even had to guess on a few so I guess I won’t fail the PSAT? That’s good haha kinda worried about these big important tests..testing sucks!! School tomorrow..surprisingly barely any homework and I missed school last Thursday too, yay!
So my mom and I went to the hospital on Thursday (why I missed school…really didn’t want to) since someone told her that she should really bring me even though I don’t think it was really all that necessary to do right away..anyway we went and I had to wait like 5+ hours ugh it was awful! My mom even left me there alone and with crappy magazines for 2 of the hours! So yeah I waited..and waited..and waited..then my mom made us leave. ugh!!! ok so if I’ve already been waiting somewhere for 5+ hours no matter how much I don’t want to be there or to leave it will not go over well if you make me leave!! I could have gone to school and not wasted 5 hours of my life if she hadn’t made me go there argh it makes me so mad…anyway that’s over now lol guess I got a vacation from school? lol.
^lol love this
Bad body image lately too..I feel like I’m too fat now to wear any of my clothes so I’ve been wearing even shittier things now cause I feel those are the only things I don’t look “gross” in -_- wish I could just wear nice clothes without feeling like crap in them..
Yep. Well that’s my life so far..pretty boring. Hope whoever reads this is doing well ;)
i fell asleep on my arm-the aquabats <—-my brother showed me this song and I find it extremely hilarious for some strange reason..just felt I should share it on here lmao
Tags: eating disorder, nutrition freaks, pb&co dark chocolate dreams, vegan pancake
Yesterday I made a vegan pancake! It was really good. I mixed 1/2 c. whole wheat flour with 1 tbsp. cinnamon apple sauce and 1/2 c. almond milk and just cooked it like a pancake. Once it was in pancake form (lol) I spread 1 tbsp. PB&Co. Dark Chocolate Dreams peanut butter on it and drizzled 1 tbsp. maple syrup then sprinkled cinnamon! So good! I’m addicted to my DCD peanut butter. I just got it a couple days ago and I keep experimenting with it. It tastes just like a reeces cup, lol. I love it on crumpets, you guys should try that :P and on pancakes, of course. I wish I had taken a picture of it but I ate it before that even crossed my mind x)
School’s going well. I need to do some school work before Tuesday (no school on Monday cause of labor day) but I can get it done fast, I think. The only ‘bad’ thing regarding eating is that I don’t like eating at school (none of my friends do so it makes me feel bad to eat in front of them..) so I end up having to make up for it after school+at night -_- it’s horrible lol so bloated….I would try to eat at school but I just feel so bad……and it sucks even more cause my friend is also starting to talk about nutrition facts! Ugh! Ok, so I brought some vitamin water to drink one day and then for some reason in the middle of lunch just randomly she was like “you know, those things have a lot of sodium in them” wtf?! (it has like 70 mg in the whole bottle btw..definitely not ‘a lot’) but still why would you just say that to someone it’s like going up to someone eating a sandwich and being like “you know, I think there’s like 3 tbsp. of mayonnaise on that” what the hell are you supposed to say to that?! And then she started going on about how salt makes you unhealthy in large amounts (trust me, I do not eat large amounts of salt! lol!) and that if I keep drinking them I’ll get some salt problem or whatever. Ugh. She doesn’t know about my eating problem though but I almost wanted to tell her so that she would shut up about this stuff! Don’t have the guts to though…anyway then I asked her why she was so hung up on this sodium talk and she was like “cause you care about it!” um, no I don’t! The only reason I was talking about it with her was because she brought it up.
oh, and then my friend Evan got this sheet from his health class that we made fun of lol. It was like all this stuff you could do to ‘avoid’ getting into certain problems. First one was eating disorders….how do you avoid getting an ed?? lol it’s a sickness! Anyway that sorta bothered me. Then it said that an alternative would be to go running for an hour everyday? And cutting down calories? wtf lol. I don’t understand out school. Then it said if you ‘want to run away from home’ you should learn how to draw better. uh….ok? haha.
For breakfast this morning I had peanut butter puffins with almond milk and 1 tbsp. of my DCD peanut putter on top! I’m pretty sure all of meals for the past 3 days have had at least one part of it including DCD peanut butter. This could be a problem (not). I kinda like it better than nutella lol cause it has that peanut-y taste to it still and I don’t really find nutella to have that for some reason…just tastes like pure chocolate to me. Not that that’s bad or anything :P I feel bad for not commenting on blogs as much…I donno. I’m lazy lol. I still read all the posts religiously via google reader though so I’m not like ‘neglecting the blog world’ or anything haha. Just felt like saying that…it feels sorta like I have to comment though or else I worry that I’m making the person feel bad cause I’ll comment and then won’t comment but then randomly comment again..ugh I hate feeling like I have to do things! Blogging’s supposed to be an outlet. No responsibilities lol.
Tags: review, school, weheartit.com
Hello! I started school and it’s…okay I guess. Here’s my ‘school review':
English II honors-No friends and a certain stuck up annoying person who shall remain unnamed is in my class. NOOOOOO. I had to be partners with him yesterday and each time I was about to say what I though was the answer he would talk over me and it turned out all his answers were wrong and mine were right! Ugh. But really, who wears DRESS PANTS and neon green CROCS?! Not cool, not cool at all.
Japanese II-Lotsa friends! I really really like this class. We’re getting a new teacher after next week cause our teacher from last year moved to Ohio or whatever. The new teacher’s actually going to be Japanese too so that’s kinda cool I guess. We have a sub till she gets here and the subs Japanese as well. I really like our sub a lot though! She’s funny and doesn’t take everything so seriously so that’s good.
Ceramics I-No friends really…but the class is pretty fun! I like it a lot. Besides the fact that I sit next to an uber creepy person I thin I will enjoy this class very much.
Algebra II-I has a friend in this class! I thought I had another one but it turns out she read her schedule wrong and went to the wrong class for the whole period! The class itself is okay..my teacher kinda freaks me out, lol.
Honors Civics+Economics-No friends )': quite a few crummy people, actually. Our teacher is super cool though and I think this class will be bearable.
Drawing+Painting I-Love this class! I have a friend in it too. EXCEPT THE CREEPER’S IN IT TOO NOOOOO. Okay so there’s this super creepy guy who was in like 2 of my classes last year and is reaaaaaaaally really creepy like he asks me if he can have my jacket (wtf?!) and is like “I LIKE YOUR HAIR” all the time in a really creepy voice! Of course, the one class I was really really looking forward to and HE’S in it ><
Chemistry-I really should of taken Honors Chemistry. Agh. No friends and crummy people: Excerpt from yesterdays class when we were doing an experiment on how when you blow out a candle why when you touch the smoke with a lit match right after blowing it out it lights it without actually touching the wick:
Teacher: What is in the smoke that makes it flammable?
Girl in my class: …water?
(The answer’s carbon, btw.)
Yeah, so that’s my year so far (first 3 days lmao). I still hang out with my 3 best buddies from last year, as usual. I really wish I had classes with them, I don’t even have one! It’s so suckish. Maybe next year? lol. My friends younger sister is a Freshman now and I saw her for the first time in like a year on the first day of school and she was like “wow you look so different!” over and over haha. My eating has been okay I guess. I’ve been sorta skimping a little..I’m not really that comfortable eating at school like in front of people…it’s hard too cause one of my friends NEVER eats lunch like ever then brags about it and it makes me feel sorta guilty for eating? I donno. It’s better to be healthy than unhappy though, right? x)
Oh, and I discovered weheartit.com! For anyone who doesn’t know, it’s a super cool website with cool pictures on it that I guess lots of different people upload onto it? Not really sure but it has cool pictures nonetheless! Check it out ;)
School starts tomorrow and it sucks! I really don’t want to go back hahaha. I’m going to try to only think positive things about it though so hopefully it will turn out that way in the end. Except I’m pretty sure there is nothing positive about the actual ‘working’ part of it. lol. I’m making it my goal to work really hard this year though. I usually slack off the first half of the year and then have to work super hard to make up for it the next half…not happening again! I remember when I had to teach myself a whole years worth of math one time a day before the final ugh lol I passed though :P with a pretty good grade surprisingly….hmm. Anyway I don’t know how often I will be able to update this blog. I may end up not being able to update at all, all the time, once a week…once a month…yeah. So sorry if I end up posting random spontaneous blog posts every now and then. Well, I hope that those of you who are still in school have an awesome school year and those who aren’t are enjoying school free life! Haha.
Tags: beck, creep, gamma ray, getting down, heart in a cage, radiohead, the kills, the strokes, UNKLE, with you in my head
(does this song describe ed’s perfectly or what. lol)
Tags: fun day
I had a very fun day today, yay! So first off it started kinda bleh cause I had to get up early to go with my mom to this school thing at the mall so we could find out stuff for my brother’s school. Of course, he was too lazy to come with us so he remained at home asleep, lol. After that we went home and I made a weird egg whites+tomato+potatoes+falafel brunch type meal mix. It was weird, but pretty good. Last night I had a super long fun conversation with my friend Vivian and we both decided that we should hang out today, so I called her and I ended up going over to her house for a couple hours and just hung out, facebook stalked (lol) and just did random stuff together. It was quite fun. Then we both went to a new Chinese restaurant for dinner that kinda sucked hahahaha but we had fun. The service was pretty terrible but the food was good so our experience wasn’t completely awful at least. We pretty much just ordered a bunch of mini dishes to share and they forgot two of them! They also took forever to do everything, so we ended up being there for like two hours -_- haha. We just laughed about it together though and ended the day having had a great time together! I also told my other friend that I would call her sometime this weekend about getting together..probably should have called her today…dammit lol. I haven’t seen this friend in months so I hope it won’t be awkward. I kind of doubt it will be thought cause the last time I saw her it had also been months but we were still just as good friends as before. She’s one of my very close friends so I’m glad that I’m going to see her pretty much right before the school year starts :) According to Vivian she also doesn’t have many friends in her classes either so I guess we’ll be alone buddies together? lol. And Evan doesn’t either. I’m not alone!! Hahaha. At least we still have each other to act obnoxious with and bother upperclassman together during lunch still. Yes, we’re very cool kids x) it’s kind of sad..but I’m sort of feeling extremely self-conscious about going back to school because I feel sort of fat. Argh. I want to just get rid of these feelings and make myself realize that my body isn’t what makes people like me or accept me, it’s the person who I am that does those things. Anyone who judges someone based on how they look is very ignorant and I’m sure that there are very few ignorant people at my school. I hope. lol. I seriously need to work on my self-confidence. My mom is right: if you aren’t happy with yourself than you can’t expect people to feel any better towards you.
My mom is currently watching a black&white movie marathon. Hahaha…it’s kind of interesting…I’ve always liked really old movies but sometimes after five in a row you just start to get sort of sick of them, as you probably would any type of movie. I really want to bake something for some reason. I have no idea why. Maybe tomorrow I’ll see if we have like a mix or something I can alter (I like to alter recipes+mixes).
Tags: deviant art, journal
This is a recent journal I posted on my Deviant Art account and I just felt like copying it onto here cause I actually spent time writing it, lol. For those of you who don’t know, Deviant Art is an art website where people can post their art and get feedback on it. Or just fool around with their friends and post random stuff like me :P I do post a lot of my legit art though, haha. Anyway, here’s my journal:
Hello. Want to get rid of that other journal lmao. Hmmm…nothing really interesting going on in my life. School starts in 5 days (ugh). Do not want. Has anyone checked out that dA Muro thing? It’s kind of cool, you can draw stuffs on here now (like on the actual website)! Pretty neat. Yeah..my schedule sucks too. Well, the classes are all the same one’s I signed up for but the only class I have a friend in is Japanese II -_- bleh. Hopefully the rest of my classes won’t be filled with extremely crummy people. Hopefully. Which means they most likely will. I kind of expected this though. It seems that only every other year+school year is good for me and the odd ones tend to suck beyond belief. It’s quite terrible. Like:
Second grade=Worst year of my life. Everyone made fun of me and I had NO friends. Did I mention that EVERYONE made fun of me? And literally made me question suicide at age 7? Yeah, worst school year ever.
Third grade=Okay, I guess. I had 3 good friends. Which all of course transferred over to the other elementary school at the end of the year. Wonderful.
Fourth grade=Eh…it wasn’t the WORST but it was pretty bad. No friends really until about midway through the year. But even those friends I wasn’t that close with. Just kinda…hung out. I don’t really know how to explain it, hahaha.
Fifth grade=Had some super close friends, I’ll never forget them! We hit a rough patch towards the end of the year though and things just turned awkward between me and them except for one of them, but I don’t see her anymore. Sad face. Oh, and of course since we were all supposed to go to the same middle school they all ended up moving. What is wrong with me that makes all my friends move away, like ALL of them, hahaha. Anyway, I went into middle school knowing no one ):
Sixth grade= Pretty awful. No friends. Depressed. Got a couple friends…sorta awkward though. Kinda weird to be honest (relationship with them, not them lol). It wasn’t all so awful though, I can at least remember some fun being had so I guess that counts haha.
Seventh grade= Probably the only school year I really really liked. I’d say it was my best school year. Nothing was really wrong at all with it until the end. But of course since this is my life something bad was just destined to happen lol. Eh, it was nice to at least have one nice school year in the beginning.
Eighth grade=Okay, I would lie and say this was also a good school year but in all honesty it wasn’t. I was extremely self-conscious, sad, lonely…didn’t feel like I had any real friends. I donno. (Not trying to blame anyone or anything. This is just how I really felt. I’m sure I did have lots of real friends though, I was just super sad all the time so probably didn’t realize it.) Because of my very annoying extreme sensitivity feeling (lol) people would say things that they probably didn’t think about twice but I’ve kept with me to this very day and probably will never forget. And also probably provoked some of the problems I’ve gotten myself into recently. I lost some of my passions…felt judged..hurtful things were said and done…yeah. I did meet some awesome people though and had some very fun, memorable times.
Ninth grade=Found out who my true friends really are and met some amazing people. People I have so much in common with it’s crazy. I actually feel like these people may be one of my few legit friends. Pretty awesome the first half of the school year was great..then I got myself into sort of a mess. The rest of the year just flew by and I feel like I wasted a year of my life, which I pretty much did. Still struggling.
Tenth grade=??? I’m honestly too scared to know. I have one side of me fearing the awful things that are just bound to happen and the other side desperately hoping this “chain” to break and for me to have an awesome school year, problems free. But I kind of know that can’t happen because I will most likely have these struggles for the rest of my life and I’m going into the year with my struggles still strong, which will undoubtedly make me unhappy, thus making me antisocial thus making this school year SUCK. Ugh. I wish I wasn’t so pessimistic sometimes. I already feel unwanted and unliked by people (which I know I shouldn’t) and the year is still yet to start.
Yeah…sorry about boring you with my ‘school history’ hahahaha. Anyway, I’ll just be fretting about what this school year is going to do to me now, have an awesome Friday!!
I love how my icons got copied as well. Heheh. Anyway, there’s not really a real reason for me posting it other than I felt like it was more of ‘blog posting quality’ than ‘Deviant Art journal quality’ seeing as most of my journals are like, 3 sentences and sorta kinda really lame. lol. I apologize for boring you guys with this most likely very unamusing post x)
Tags: horseback riding, light years, yeti mug
Hello! I have a feeling today is going to be very boring. I may or may not go horseback riding later today…not really sure right now. I want to really bad though! I haven’t done it in forever and it’s one of my favorite things to do, and one of the few physical activity things I’m actually good at, haha. For breakfast this morning I had my cereal and 1 slice of toasted sesame Ezekiel bread spread with peanut butter and blueberry jelly. It was good. I wanted a pb&j really bad so yeah..lol. I got some raspberry green tea from this tea shop yesterday so I had a cup of that too. I had it in my new Yeti mug from Light Years that I got yesterday as well x)
So cute! Hahahaha. I also got some hair pins too. Light Years always has the coolest stuff. Last night we went to this restaurant Fosters for dinner. We were out and my brother kept complaining that he wanted to get dinner so we checked out the restaurants in the area that we were in and there was this grill that had like, lots of vegetarian+vegan options so I wanted to go there but my brother insisted we go to the Fosters place cause they had pizza there -_- so we went there. And pretty much all they had were burgers and pizza. Argh. No veggie burgers of course. Anyway, I decided to get the Asian style pizza but without the tuna on it (lol it was called Asian tuna pizza so my order sounded kinda weird). I sort of freaked out though cause I haven’t had an actual pizza with actual cheese on it in so long so I just ate like 1/4 of it…sometimes I feel like I’ve come sooooo far and I’m eating so many “normal” foods but then there are still times like these that just show me how abnormal I still am..I just want to be able to eat a freaking pizza like a normal teenager without panicking about it. I did eat some though :P oh and this is so fail. So I tried making my own froyo yesterday with Greek yogurt so I put it in the freezer overnight and I took it out this morning and it was frozen solid lmao. I put it in the fridge to keep it cold still but maybe “thaw” it a little hahahahaha it’s not really working…damn. Maybe if I leave it out a little it’ll be edible later lol.
I feel kind of bad about getting help now, like counseling and stuff. I donno..I know this sounds really stupid and weird but I sort of feel like I’m just wasting their time and even taking time away from other people who really need help and that I’m not bad enough off to need help. It’s kind of confusing but it makes me feel even more guilty and awful everyday…I feel too fat =_=
Tags: beignets, fiber one caramel delight, marzipan, schedule
I’m sad about this. But sort of happy, considering this summer has been very boring and unproductive for me. I was talking to my friend Evan last night (who I haven’t talked to since summer started? This must change) and he said his summer sucked too. My friend K also agrees that this summer sucked for him as well. So I guess it was just an all around bad summer for us at least lol we’re not alone in crappy summers! Yeah..well I got my schedule and I have:
- English II honors
- Japanese II
- Ceramics I
- Algebra II
- Honors Civics and Economics
- Drawing and Painting I
Yep…I didn’t sign up for honors algebra or chemistry cause I suck at math and science stuff. Although I did have a consistent A last year in Geometry I’m not taking any chances, haha. Now whether I fail my classes or not actually matters lol. So far I don’t know if I have any friends in any of my classes or not )': I posted my schedule on facebook to compare with them and my friend Evan has the same civics class+teacher as me but the period before me and my friend Vivian has the same class+teacher too but the class after me. Argh. At least we can pass by each other in the hallway..-_- oh, and I don’t have classes with K either. Hopefully there will be at least one friend in each class haha. And I’m so happy no gym! This is like the best schedule ever just because of that. No more being humiliated in front of everyone cause I suck so bad at every sport! And I’m not exaggerating, I literally suck at every sport. It’s quite sad. lol.
This morning for breakfast I had Fiber One caramel delight cereal. It was pretty good, first time trying it. Kinda like cinnamon toast crunch, haha. That’s one of the reasons I got it x) sort of like a ‘healthier alternative’ to it. I’m not really all that sure about that though cause I don’t know the cinnamon toast crunch nutrition facts but I’m gonna assume so. My mom’s making beignet’s for her and my brothers breakfast. If you don’t know what they are, they’re pretty much a New Orleans donut..except it doesn’t really look like a donut. More like a ball of dough that you put powdered sugar on and eat. I used to looooooove these as a kid but I haven’t had them in a while D: mostly ed related..I would love to have them again but I donno.
I got this from google images :P don’t they look so good?! Yummmmm. I tried a marzipan for the first time ever yesterday! My mom and I went to Southern Season and they had these adorable fruit+vegetable shaped marzipan’s there so I got an eggplant one! It was so adorable and yummy. I loved the almond flavor in it. I also got chocolate covered sunflower seeds which I devoured, haha. They were quite yum as well.
Well, I think I’m gonna do some exercises for a little bit (just some stretches..yoga stuffs lol) and then shower and go out and act like a crazy person and scare people..no not really haha but my mom wanted to go out somewhere so I’ll probably end up doing that. Have a nice day!
Tags: art, art museum, schedules
This morning my mom and I went to the art museum. They recently finished renovating it and my mom has really been wanting to see it for a while (she’s obsessed with art stuff. lol.) I had already seen it though with my dad a couple weeks ago but it was nice to go back, I brought my camera with me this time so I took lots of pictures. Hahahah..you were allowed to take pictures (no one yelled at me for it at least..) but this old lady who kept walking by us kept saying really loud “YOU KNOW I DON’T THINK YOU CAN TAKE PICTURES IN HERE” to her husband but it’s not like I had the flash on and was like bothering anyone by taking pictures so I kept taking them lmao. It’s really modern looking now..kinda cool I sorta liked the old buildings ‘atmosphere’ a little better but it’s a nice change.
Some pictures I took…
I took A LOT more but since it takes about 3 minutes to upload each picture (that’s a veeeeery long time for me btw) I’m only gonna show you guys the coolest looking ones x) isn’t the sitting guy on the wall so cool though? I love it ♥ it had a poem written all over it..kinda awesome. In like, 10 minutes I have to go to my school and get my schedule. I’m pretty sure that I’m gonna get into all of the classes I chose..the only time that I haven’t gotten all of the classes I picked was once in eighth grade so yeah..everyone’s going with their friends but I’m just gonna hope I meet up with my friend K when I get there..he said that he was going around the same time as me so it’s all good haha. I don’t think it really matters if you go with friends though cause it’s just getting your schedule and it takes like 5 mins lol. I’m sorta sad+irritated with a lot of stuff right now..I don’t really want to go into detail about it cause it’s sorta complicated but it sucks. Yep..I’m gonna go get my mom to drive me to get my schedule now I guess..